How to reconnect with a grandparent after a quiet stretch

You see something Grandma would like, reach for your phone, and remember how long it's been since you called. Now you're thinking about the gap instead of the thing you wanted to tell her.

If contact is welcome, send the hello. You can acknowledge the time that's passed in a sentence, then tell her what brought her to mind rather than trying to explain every week since you last talked.

Write the greeting you would say

For example:

"Hi Grandma, it's been a while. I saw someone growing sweet peas along their fence this morning and thought of yours. Are you planting them again this year? I'd love to hear how you've been."

This example is fictional. Your opening could mention a meal you made or a place you passed on the way home. Choose something that made you want to reach out.

Keep any apology honest. If you owe her one, say what you're sorry for without asking her to reassure you. Then give her room to respond.

Share what's happening now

You can begin with this week. Tell her about a new routine or the person you've been spending time with, explaining the names she won't know.

Research summarized by the American Psychological Association found that people underestimated how much others appreciated an unexpected attempt to get in touch. It studied social contact generally, so it can't predict your grandparent's response. You can read the APA's summary of the research.

A missed call during a hectic month and an estrangement need different care. Respect any request for distance. Where there's been hurt, a letter may be one step in a conversation that takes time.

Offer a next step you can keep

"Could we talk Sunday afternoon?" gives them something specific to answer. Ask whether the time suits them. If you're simply sending a note, you can say you'd enjoy hearing from them whenever they feel like it.

Make a promise you can manage. One call or letter gives you a place to begin without committing to a schedule you already know will be hard to keep.

MailedIt gives you space to draft and revise a letter before you approve it for printing and mailing. Read the opening once more before you send it, especially if you've been carrying the words around for a while.